Monday, December 22, 2008

The Source of My Frustrations

Here I am at work. My boss is on vacation. Actually, most of the people that work here are on vacation. I kinda like working without people milling about. It sure makes it a ton easier to get stuff accomplished, that's for sure. Also, my phone has been quiet all morning. It's almost lunch time. I've got no complaints ... about today.

Never fear! Just because I am happy today, doesn't mean that there's nothing wrong in the world. Let me just rattle off a few things that have pissed me off in the past week or so:

1) The jerk who was flashing his lights in my rear view mirror to get me to speed up ... in spite of the fact that someone was in front of me. When he finally passed me, he had a bumper sticker proclaiming that "Peace is the only way" ...

2) My mother insisting that I have a yeast allergy because .... (drum roll please) ... I had a sore throat and nasal congestion! Um, hello!!! It was a COLD!!!!

3) My mother thinking it's ridiculous that a coworker of hers is taking the month of January off because she is adopting a five year old child whose parents were both killed. I told her I thought it was a valid reason to take a month off, especially due to the fact that the kid is probably traumatized as it is. Her response? "It can't be fixed in a month, it'll take therapy for the rest of his life. What good is one month going to do?" I swear ...

4) My mother ... well, notice the pattern here?

My mother:

My mother is certifiable. I don't mean this in the funny way, I truly mean it. It drives me nuts!! I mean, she believed at one point that when she was pregnant with me there were twins. One was abducted by aliens ... and now I have a twin sister in space. Yeah.

She believes she is a prophet. A voice speaks to her in her head at night. It tells her what to do. She does it. It's only a matter of time before it tells her to do something illegal. I'm certain of it. There is no way for me to prove this to anyone so that I can have her committed. Yeah.

She believes you can activate dormant DNA just by wishing it. For example; since I've had ancestors with brown eyes, I can change the color of my eyes ... by sheer will power! Yeah.

She believes she is sane. Yeah.

She believes that I have every new allergy or disease that is discovered. Yeah.

She ... well, she's crazy.

People don't always believe me ... until they meet her. Then they know. Then, when at a party I say, "My mother ..." ears prick up and everyone wants to hear the latest. Yeah.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


I am not certain of what, exactly, this post is going to be about. It may lead nowhere. I have insomnia, I've been up since 2:00 a.m. and the alarm will be going off in 25 minutes. That sucks ass. It especially sucks because I have a very important meeting at work this morning at 11 that I am not 100% prepared for ... I was planning on doing some major prep this morning when I get into work ... but now, I'm not going to be on my "A" game. Hopefully I can at least be on my "B" game!

It's December. I live in fucking Colorado, but I've yet to see a snow that's more than a dusting. It's especially bizarre because I live in the mountains. The super-duper high mountains have seen snow, or so I've heard ... but the shorter ones have not. This makes me cranky. If I have to endure never being home in the daylight hours because it's winter, then please at least let me see some snow. Of all the things to bitch about ... insomnia justifies everything!

I lost my cell phone over Thanksgiving weekend. I am ashamed to admit that I am one of those dumb asses who has stored all my phone numbers in there, and I don't have a hard copy anywhere. So, there are some people who I may never speak to again, because I don't have their numbers. Of course, I suppose they could call me ... but I know a couple just have my cell phone programmed in their work issued cells, and with the economy in the toilet, well if their jobs are lost ... there goes our contact. Whatever.

I think I boggled the shit out of my boss yesterday. He came into my office and sat down. He then blathered on about how the economy is in the toilet, and aren't I happy I have this job? I looked him straight in the eye and said, "A well paying job is a luxury, not a necessity. If I didn't have this job, I'd still be okay." The look on his face was complete confusion. It was obvious that he totally did not grasp the concept. I feel sorry for him. It was a true statement I made. It's kind of empowering to realize that. Ugh, there's that word ... "empowering"!

I hate that word because it's so overused these days. Especially by those who choose to play the constant victim in day to day life. I've known a few in my days ... victims, that is. The ones that especially irritate me are the ones who use the fact that something bad happened 30 years ago, so now they HAVE to be dysfunctional. When a certain amount of time passes after an experience, it becomes a CHOICE to be a victim. If kids teased you in elementary school for some thing that kids tease about ... when 30 plus years pass ... get the fuck over it!! Seriously.

Ooh, I hear the coffee maker. It just kicked on. Soon I will be full of caffeine. So, I will end this rant about ... well, everything. I hope I survive the day with my sanity in tact.