Here I am at work. My boss is on vacation. Actually, most of the people that work here are on vacation. I kinda like working without people milling about. It sure makes it a ton easier to get stuff accomplished, that's for sure. Also, my phone has been quiet all morning. It's almost lunch time. I've got no complaints ... about today.
Never fear! Just because I am happy today, doesn't mean that there's nothing wrong in the world. Let me just rattle off a few things that have pissed me off in the past week or so:
1) The jerk who was flashing his lights in my rear view mirror to get me to speed up ... in spite of the fact that someone was in front of me. When he finally passed me, he had a bumper sticker proclaiming that "Peace is the only way" ...
2) My mother insisting that I have a yeast allergy because .... (drum roll please) ... I had a sore throat and nasal congestion! Um, hello!!! It was a COLD!!!!
3) My mother thinking it's ridiculous that a coworker of hers is taking the month of January off because she is adopting a five year old child whose parents were both killed. I told her I thought it was a valid reason to take a month off, especially due to the fact that the kid is probably traumatized as it is. Her response? "It can't be fixed in a month, it'll take therapy for the rest of his life. What good is one month going to do?" I swear ...
4) My mother ... well, notice the pattern here?
My mother:
My mother is certifiable. I don't mean this in the funny way, I truly mean it. It drives me nuts!! I mean, she believed at one point that when she was pregnant with me there were twins. One was abducted by aliens ... and now I have a twin sister in space. Yeah.
She believes she is a prophet. A voice speaks to her in her head at night. It tells her what to do. She does it. It's only a matter of time before it tells her to do something illegal. I'm certain of it. There is no way for me to prove this to anyone so that I can have her committed. Yeah.
She believes you can activate dormant DNA just by wishing it. For example; since I've had ancestors with brown eyes, I can change the color of my eyes ... by sheer will power! Yeah.
She believes she is sane. Yeah.
She believes that I have every new allergy or disease that is discovered. Yeah.
She ... well, she's crazy.
People don't always believe me ... until they meet her. Then they know. Then, when at a party I say, "My mother ..." ears prick up and everyone wants to hear the latest. Yeah.
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Oh Man! So where does your mom think that your twin lives in space? My husbands mother was insane. She basically gave him to his grandmother for a car. Thank god his mom did not raise him. We saw her after 24 years and she had like 15 pictures of a black Jesus hanging in her house. Oh and an angel hung out on shoulder. To much LSD I think in the late 60s.
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